I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
