Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
