id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
