i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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