Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
