my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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