I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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