some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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