Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Even my vagina gasped.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
