would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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