Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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