I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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