You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
