I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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