He kissed a someone with a penis
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
