well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
