And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
