1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
