Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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