I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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