Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
