I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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