He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
