also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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