I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
