and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need a burrito and a hug.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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