Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
