Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
false alarm. still invincible.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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