And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
