Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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