At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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