He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
