she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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