I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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