So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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