The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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