i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
