Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
