flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
