Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
