Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
