my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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