Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
