oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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