I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize