My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
