I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
