Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
