hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
