I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
