I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
