Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
