I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
