I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love having hate sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
