I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
