so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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