I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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