Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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