I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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