Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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