Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
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