dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
