I just cut my nipple shaving
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
